Who are we? You ask.
To put it simply:
Flightless Aquatic Bird Publications is pure delight. Without a flutter of thought with its endless subtleties. It is a movement with no end. And every movement is still.
Watching from emptiness. It is an emptiness that knows no knowing. It is an emptiness that knows no space. It is empty of time. It is empty past all seeing, knowing, and being.
In Flightless Aquatic Bird Publications, there is fury. The fury of a storm. The fury of an exploding universe. The fury of creation, which can never have any expression. The fury of all life, death and love.
But yet it is empty. A vast boundless emptiness that nothing can ever fill, transform, or cover up. Flightless Aquatic Bird Publications is the ecstasy of this emptiness.
What do we sell? You ask.
Here are at Flightless Aquatic Bird Publications, we sell smiles and pass the savings onto you. 🙂
How is that possible? You ask.
Well, we control every step of the process by operating as a vertically integrated farm to face, smile supplier. This means our smiles are healthier than processed and packaged alternatives. So by cutting out the middleman, we can deliver a cheaper, healthier, speedier product directly to your dial. 🙂
Why do we bother? People ask
Well, you see, these days smiles seem to come at a premium.
Our competitors only supply the market at over-inflated prices using outdated delivery methods. All of them gleefully gouging the gullible consumer out of their hard earned money. This is where we spotted a gap in the market.
We like to think of ourselves as the Robin Hoods of the industry. Stealing the joy from the rich and distributing it equally among the poor. The market disruptors tearing down the establishment to help the little guy. All for a small fee.
We also do it because they said we couldn’t do it. And we care deeply about what they think we can or can’t do.
At the end of the day, it boils down to our philosophy: We believe that if everybody everywhere smiled at the same time, the world would be a better place. 🙂
AS SEEN ON….
Still not convinced? Just check out the testimonials below from some of our satisfied customers
Technology and innovation
We endeavour at Flightless Aquatic Bird Publications to stay at the cutting edge of the industry. This requires us to push the boundaries of what’s ethically possible. To do so, we engage in a process known as Gain of FUN-ction research.
What is Gain of FUN-ction research? you ask.
See, the disease of sadness is a plague spreading across the globe. A disease that is constantly evolving, season upon season, year upon year.
In order to get ahead of the disease so it doesn’t become superior to our methods, we need to super charge the disease via our methods.
Our team of smilentists 🙂 , work tirelessly in the laughatory to mutate this year’s sadness into next year’s sorrow. Therefore, allowing us to create a fun vaccine for sorrow that will stop the disease of sorrow we created.
With such groundbreaking research, there is always a concern about the methods we employ.
Some doubters say there exists a conflict of interest. And that by creating both the disease and the cure for that disease, we would be in a highly profitable position to make obscene amounts of money.
This is an understandable concern.
But we would respond by saying to them, what kind of person would be so full of mistrust? Maybe these accusers have a conflict of interest? Maybe they’re jealous? Envious? Also, how can we trust what they say? Who are they anyway? And why do they care so much about what we do? It’s sinister that they want to stand in the way of healing humanity. But we won’t let them stop us from helping.
We will fight disease with disease for the public good. Inoculating the public, the only way we know how, by spreading a disease. The disease of smiling. As we believe, there is nothing more infectious than a smile. 🙂
Disclaimer:
By reading this sentence, you hereby acknowledge thusly that you are responsible for your own health and safety at all times. Therefore, forthwithly absolve Flightless Aquatic Bird Publications of all and any liability and indemnity from now until the end of time.
Ethics, Diversity and Corporate responsibility
We could write some corporate spiel about how we operate our company with social justice at the forefront of everything we do. But this would insult your intelligence. So let’s spare all the pageantry of corporate speak, be real, and start the real healing.
WE’RE SORRY
This is our company mantra from now on. We’re deeply sorry. The depth of our sorriness is so deep nothing can live in its depths. Not even our own sorriness.
We apologise in advance for who we are, what we might do, or what we might say. If there is one bad feeling, even for one second, in one person, caused by our words or actions, it’s our fault.
Words matter and We apologise for the hurt.
Nobody should feel bad except us. We know it’s already too late to apologise for our future mistakes, but we beg now in the present for forgiveness in the future.
Once again, we apologise for our existence. Everybody makes mistakes, but we are a mistake. Sorry, not sorry. NO! Sorry, yes, sorry. YES!
We throw ourselves at your mercy. The power is in your hands.
The above statement is an admission of guilt and we pledge any or all money to the victims, or defenders of victims, affected by our crimes.
We would also like to acknowledge the original custodians of this web space and recognise that we live on stolen web space.
