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“I take photos of people taking photos. It’s my life’s work. I walk around the city looking for people taking photos and when they pull out their camera; I take a picture. Every photo tells a story, and every photographer is a storyteller. My mission is to tell the story of those storytellers. To tear down the illusion of photography. To illuminate that there isn’t a man pointing a camera but a camera pointing at man. It all fits in with my philosophy of mirroring people. See, we are a reflection of people and taking a photo is the act of capturing a still of that living reflection. So when I take a photo of you taking a photo, it is the infinite meeting the infinite—an act which creates infinity. Similar to when two dogs meet in the street. The witnessing of oneself through the eyes of another, as oneself. Foreign but familiar. Different, but the same. It’s this guiding principle that helps me meet and eventually bed young impressionable women. See, very arty women are attracted to the nature of my work. They find it mysteriously deep. Their already low self-esteem makes them feel dumb when they don’t comprehend my philosophy. Therefore, providing me with the upper-hand in our relationship. It makes them over eager to prove their worth to me. This, coupled with the special cocktail I ply them with, paves the way for the real money shot.…which I then photograph and sell to websites as revenge porn. Behind the lens: Photos of Photographers is the name of my work and it’s available now on Amazon.”
“I take photos of people taking photos. It’s my life’s work. I walk around the city looking for people taking photos and when they pull out their camera; I take a picture. Every photo tells a story, and every photographer is a storyteller. My mission is to tell the story of those storytellers. To tear down the illusion of photography. To illuminate that there isn’t a man pointing a camera but a camera pointing at man. It all fits in with my philosophy of mirroring people. See, we are a reflection of people and taking a photo is the act of capturing a still of that living reflection. So when I take a photo of you taking a photo, it is the infinite meeting the infinite—an act which creates infinity. Similar to when two dogs meet in the street. The witnessing of oneself through the eyes of another, as oneself. Foreign but familiar. Different, but the same. It’s this guiding principle that helps me meet and eventually bed young impressionable women. See, very arty women are attracted to the nature of my work. They find it mysteriously deep. Their already low self-esteem makes them feel dumb when they don’t comprehend my philosophy. Therefore, providing me with the upper-hand in our relationship. It makes them over eager to prove their worth to me. This, coupled with the special cocktail I ply them with, paves the way for the real money shot.…which I then photograph and sell to websites as revenge porn. Behind the lens: Photos of Photographers is the name of my work and it’s available now on Amazon.”
"I hate pigeons. I fucking hate them! My wife left me for a pigeon breeder and now everyday I’m surrounded by pigeons. It’s a constant reminder of that pigeon breeding wife stealer and his whore wife. I used to breed rats--racing thoroughbreds. But apparently, that wasn’t good enough for her. Admittedly, rat racing didn’t quite take off as I expected, and I did put most of our life savings into it. But no risk, no reward. Man! Women are ungrateful! People call me 'Pigeon man'. I guess on account that I’m always surrounded by pigeons. But if they only knew.... People say ‘he must love pigeons’ or ‘look the pigeons are his best friends’, but I despise pigeons. Sure, when I do occasionally get my hands on some breadcrumbs, prying eyes have observed me putting them in the end of my dick and letting the pigeons peck ‘em out. A man has his needs, you know. Plus, no woman will touch me because I stink of pigeon. What’s a fella to do? Yeah, they provide me with a cheap thrill, but I hate them. And no matter how many I kill, more just appear. To top it all off, I used to have a full head of hair, but these annoying fuckers pull my hair out while I sleep. Strand by fucking strand! I feel like I’m being punished. It might be for that incident that one rainy night when I was driving... and I looked down at my phone… you know...to check the racing guide…. and that pedestrian... out of nowhere… well…. anyway, life is grim."
"I hate pigeons. I fucking hate them! My wife left me for a pigeon breeder and now everyday I’m surrounded by pigeons. It’s a constant reminder of that pigeon breeding wife stealer and his whore wife. I used to breed rats--racing thoroughbreds. But apparently, that wasn’t good enough for her. Admittedly, rat racing didn’t quite take off as I expected, and I did put most of our life savings into it. But no risk, no reward. Man! Women are ungrateful! People call me 'Pigeon man'. I guess on account that I’m always surrounded by pigeons. But if they only knew.... People say ‘he must love pigeons’ or ‘look the pigeons are his best friends’, but I despise pigeons. Sure, when I do occasionally get my hands on some breadcrumbs, prying eyes have observed me putting them in the end of my dick and letting the pigeons peck ‘em out. A man has his needs, you know. Plus, no woman will touch me because I stink of pigeon. What’s a fella to do? Yeah, they provide me with a cheap thrill, but I hate them. And no matter how many I kill, more just appear. To top it all off, I used to have a full head of hair, but these annoying fuckers pull my hair out while I sleep. Strand by fucking strand! I feel like I’m being punished. It might be for that incident that one rainy night when I was driving... and I looked down at my phone… you know...to check the racing guide…. and that pedestrian... out of nowhere… well…. anyway, life is grim."
"I come to this bridge every day and wonder about ending it all. Why am I contemplating suicide?Well, look at me…. I’m bald! I know from the back it just looks shaved, but at the front, it’s like a helicopter view of refugees scattering and fleeing border patrol.It sounds vain, I know, but it causes me misery.Also, to rub further salt into my scalp, my girlfriend left me. She told me it wasn’t about my hair loss, but she left me for a hair model. I’ve seen pictures of him and her together on Facebook and his hair looks like the hair I used to have atop my head. Don’t tell me my follicle shortage had nothing to do with her leaving me!When we first met, I had a luxurious head of hair. Women always complimented me on it. It’s what she found attractive about me. I promised her when we first got together, I would never go bald. I guess I broke that promise. Oh, why did I have to go bald? What did I do to deserve this, lord? I keep asking again and again. The only possible reason that comes to my mind is when I would, at night, sneak into people’s chicken coops and pluck their chickens bald. I’d hide out till the morning and wait to see the look on the owner’s face. Man, that was great fun! But there’s no such thing as poetic justice…. is there? I’ve tried everything to get my hair back. But no matter how far I cycle, my hair just won’t grow back.Every day, I motion like I’m going to jump off. I place my helmet down on the rail because committing suicide with your helmet still on, while allegedly safer, makes you look way uncool. After my helmet is resting safely, I then put one foot on the rail and hold that position to look like I’m climbing up and over. And then, I wait for somebody to notice and intervene. Nobody has ever tried to stop me. Not once.And you know why they don’t?Probably because I’m bald and not worth saving."
"I come to this bridge every day and wonder about ending it all. Why am I contemplating suicide?Well, look at me…. I’m bald! I know from the back it just looks shaved, but at the front, it’s like a helicopter view of refugees scattering and fleeing border patrol.It sounds vain, I know, but it causes me misery.Also, to rub further salt into my scalp, my girlfriend left me. She told me it wasn’t about my hair loss, but she left me for a hair model. I’ve seen pictures of him and her together on Facebook and his hair looks like the hair I used to have atop my head. Don’t tell me my follicle shortage had nothing to do with her leaving me!When we first met, I had a luxurious head of hair. Women always complimented me on it. It’s what she found attractive about me. I promised her when we first got together, I would never go bald. I guess I broke that promise. Oh, why did I have to go bald? What did I do to deserve this, lord? I keep asking again and again. The only possible reason that comes to my mind is when I would, at night, sneak into people’s chicken coops and pluck their chickens bald. I’d hide out till the morning and wait to see the look on the owner’s face. Man, that was great fun! But there’s no such thing as poetic justice…. is there? I’ve tried everything to get my hair back. But no matter how far I cycle, my hair just won’t grow back.Every day, I motion like I’m going to jump off. I place my helmet down on the rail because committing suicide with your helmet still on, while allegedly safer, makes you look way uncool. After my helmet is resting safely, I then put one foot on the rail and hold that position to look like I’m climbing up and over. And then, I wait for somebody to notice and intervene. Nobody has ever tried to stop me. Not once.And you know why they don’t?Probably because I’m bald and not worth saving."
 

#1. Who would generate the most force travelling at the speed of sound?

#2. Does David Hasselhoff press more weight onto the earth…

 

 

#3. Which celeb has the greater inertia 2.0 seconds after starting from rest?

#4. Stephen Hawking travels 30 cm eastward, then 25 cm northward, and finally 15 cm westward. What is the magnitude of Stephen Hawking’s displacement relative to his original position?

#5. Slyvester Stallone fires a bullet of mass 30 g from a gun with a muzzle velocity 90ms−1. If its mass is 4 kg then the recoil of gun will be?

#6. O.J Simpson is in a car that travels 10000 meters north in 2000 seconds. O.J in the car then turns around and travels 2000 meters south in 500 seconds. What is the average speed of the car during this time interval?

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If I sleep with an 6 year old teen who is half my age, how old am I?

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GEMINI
"Being a twin, you have a dichotomy within you. Your personality is a paradox to almost comedic proportions. On one side of your personality, you are a muscular, intelligent, yet naive person with a thick accent. On the other side of your personality, you are a short, balding, streetwise, but questionably moral person. These sides of your personality are so intertwined that only your mother could tell them apart. As integral as they are to your life, these two towers of your personality can fall prey to something else. The terror you bring on yourself. Self-terrorisation could cause the plane of reality to crash straight into these twin towers of your ego, resulting in a complete collapse of your identity."
PISCES
"Like the fishes, you too find it difficult to grasp onto things. Most of the time you feel like a fish out of water, don’t you? Uncomfortable in social situations, you turn to alcohol and drink like a fish to calm your nerves. Your need to be liked is embarrassing and your fishing for compliments to validate your self image is sickening. You pretend like there are other fish in the sea to the outside world, but internally you fixate, psychotically, upon one fish to rescue you from your loneliness. You tell everyone you have other fish to fry to seem important, but really you don’t have and you aren’t. You are deeply troubled and often catch yourself wondering what it would be like to sleep with the fishes. Seek help."
AQUARIUS
"Like the water carrier, aren’t you also redundant? Yes, once upon a time, you served a vital purpose. People relied on you and couldn’t imagine living without you. But since the advent of centralized water systems, waiting all day for a bucket of water is no longer convenient to the consumer, so you now are surplus to requirements. Yes, people are fickle. And yes, they don’t show any loyalty. But them's the breaks. Time to move on and learn to code."
CAPRICORN
"Like the goat, you’re good at climbing. Your natural curiosity and climbing ability allow you to overcome any obstacle in front of you. But there is one obstacle you haven’t been able to overcome: your mediocrity. You blend into the crowd so easily that you go completely unnoticed. You may as well not exist. You dwell constantly on how to be an individual? On how to stand out from the crowd? On how to be seen? Unfortunately, the best idea you can come up with is to grow a goatee. Ironically, because you saw someone else do it. Your ideas are terrible and you are forgettable. But don’t give up hope."
SAGITTARIUS
"Like a centaur archer, there is a dichotomy within you. You identify as species fluid. In social situations, you feel more like a human. In work situations, you feel more like a horse. This can be confusing. For yourself and everyone around you. However, don’t, for a single second, forgive their ignorance about your current, changing feelings. Your truth is the only thing that matters. Being species fluid, your human brain is constantly fighting with your animalistic loins. At times, you are wise and noble, at other times, you are instinctual and lustful. Remember, shooting from the hip can be fun, but can lead to some sticky situations."
SCORPIO
"Like the scorpion, you can withstand intense heat. If you can’t handle the heat, get out of the kitchen. But you can withstand the heat. So stay in the kitchen. When you hold something in the pincers of your mind, you paralyse it with your venomous, stinging analysis. This can be problematic and lead to self-destructive tendencies. For example, if you needed help from a person to cross a river on their back because you could not swim, halfway across you would stab them in the back and tell them: “Sorry. But I couldn’t help myself. It’s in my nature.” You have been warned."
LIBRA
"Like Scales, you are measured. You seek balance. You always weigh up the issue at hand in order to be fair. However, don’t sit on the fence. Nobody likes fence sitters. Heed this line from Hooke’s law: the heavier the object, the more the string stretches. Get it now?"
VIRGO
"Like a virgin, you’ve never been touched. Never sullied. Never polluted. You are pure, chaste, and honourable. However, you’re also boring. It’s like you’ve developed a fold of mucous membrane that closes you off to new stimulating possibilities. This needs to change. You need to spread yourself wide and open up. Lower your standards and allow that wall of yours to be perforated. Remember, cherries are best picked ripe."
LEO
"Like the lion, you have the heart of a lion, but unfortunately the stamina of a lion too. But is this lack of stamina because of laziness or, in fact, a crippling fear? From the outside, others may misjudge you as lazy. But in reality, you are simply a coward. You feel inadequate because of your fear. To remedy this, the only logical solution is to seek a wizard who will provide you with a beverage to cure your fear. However, realise that courage is acting in the face of fear. Also, realise that you are more courageous in the face of fear with a gun in your hand and cocaine up your nose."
CANCER
"Like the crab, you have a thick hard outer shell, but once that outer shell is pried open, there is a gooey emotional centre. You keep people at a distance from you with your claws. The claw can be used as a tool for communication but also can do damage if wielded in rage. When you face issues in life, you never walk directly face on towards them, but rather you sidestep the issue rather clumsily. It’s time for stepping into maturity. To do this, you need to moult your old shell so you can grow. Just remember not to get stuck in your shell or you could die."
TAURUS
"Like the bull has a hump between its shoulders, don’t you too carry a hump? The hump of angst. The weight of the world on your shoulders. Of course, the road ahead is unknown. Is that light ahead green or is it red? You can’t tell because, like the bull, you are also colour blind. This means also like a bull shopping for fine china, you must exercise great caution. Don’t cause excessive damage for which you will be liable and cannot afford. You are highly ambitious and try to push yourself. However, heed this: you cannot draw milk from a bull. For all your efforts, the nectar of your labour will taste salty instead of sweet."
ARIES
"Like the ram is a quadrupedal, even toed ungulate, you too like to maintain a sense of balance. You ruminate much like the ram, but not in the sense of having a specialized stomach in which you ferment plant-based foods. Oh no! You ruminate in your head. Fermenting those intrusive thoughts about how much of a loser you are and why nobody has ever loved you. Your trusting nature is a supreme virtue, but be wary not to let anyone pull the wool over your eyes……again. Remember, you are not the heir to a vast Nigerian fortune."

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